With Love, There is Trust.

To most that know me, Gabe may not seem like the man I would end up with; and honestly, before we started talking I would've agreed. However, here we are, almost six months into this and blissfully still in love. Now, before you go reaching for the barf bags, this isn't a nauseating post about my undying love for Gabe. In reality this is on a topic much harder to deal with.
Everyone has experienced at least one bad relationship, or at least one terrible date, and we all cringe at the memories and eventually move on with our lives. But for those of us who have had to experience the worst of the worst relationships, ones that make it seem like guys are competing for Who's The Biggest Asshole Awards. Those are the hardest to move on from. To be clear, by moving on, I don't necessarily mean that you want the jerk back, I mean it just takes longer to heal those wounds. Best advice I ever got, don't rebound, but of course what do we all do? You guessed it, it's rebound. We go on a date with that guy from that class you had, or you call up someone you knew from way back when, and you try your best to prove to everyone you're superwoman. Nevertheless, inside you are still mulling over what happened with your ex and in my case, why you always made him so angry. And I swear, break-ups and pregnancy are neck-in-neck for who gets more advice thrown at them. So the next piece of fabulous advice I get, the famous "Move on and forget the loser." So much easier said than done people!
Finally months go by and you are out having fun with your friends, doing things for you, and if your me, then you run into an awesome guy in your psych class. Now here comes the hard part, you end up really liking this guy, but in the back of your mind you have a cowering version of you saying that men are evil. I knew when I heard that voice that I obviously wasn't done healing from my last bad relationship, but I was also bound and determined not to let my catch get away. As Gabe would put it, I had chosen, and he was surprised I hadn't peed on his leg just to mark my territory. I laughed at his joke, but in the back of my mind I knew I really was that crazy jealous. More time went by, and Gabe and I became insuperable. He was my perfect man. I am high-strung, clingy, and passionate while he's powerful, calm, and caring; we balanced each other out. I needed his traits to counteract my overpowering personality.
Now here we are, present time, and he's still treating me amazing. Yes, he plays video games for hours, and I swear I could be walking around naked with my hair on fire, and he wouldn't notice till the smell of burning hair became to strong. And sure, he works a lot, and smokes sometimes, and grinds his teeth in his sleep (which I've decided is way more annoying than when he snores). But watching when he gets on the ground and plays with the dog, or when he makes me hot packs for my cramps, and especially when he brings me home my favorite ice cream, it just shows that the things I love about him by far outweigh the little things that pester me. Although this is the hardest part for me, it's admitting that I am really in the wrong.
Here's this amazing man, who treats me like a precious gem, and I am such a tyrant. I have a quick temper, a jealousy streak that goes for miles, and some deeply embedded trust issues. As I mentioned earlier, I was in a not so sweet relationship previous to my finding Gabe, and I understand that my issues stem from my past experiences. What I don't understand though, is why I have to take that butt-heads mistakes out on Gabe. Working on your issues can be very challenging, and addressing them is honestly the hardest part. So lately that has been my goal. Logically of course, I can work out that Gabe is not my ex-boyfriend, and he has never done anything to deserve mistrust. But in my mind it's hard to hear the logical voice over all the imaginative scenarios I can create. This was really beginning to create a problem with Gabe and I, and though he is understanding, a person can only be so kind. Finally he drew the line in the sand and made me confront my issues. Without going into detail, we agreed that I really needed to work on being able to trust people again, and that he was definitely a person worth trusting, so all we can do now is move forward and work on it every day.
The challenge of finding a person that is so great, we often try to sabotage it, assuming that no one could truly want to treat us this nice just because they love us for who we are. Perhaps some advice is best to be taken, you can't truly love someone else until you learn to love yourself. I'm still learning everyday that if someone is willing to let me in and make me happy, maybe I am worth it, and maybe he's worth letting down my walls and learning to trust again.